Update 2/15/05 from Lori

This update really got to me....steve



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Passing on from Lori....

What a wonderful testimony she has!



Gina

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Sent: Monday, February 14, 2005 7:41 PM
Subject: Marinucci No. 73 Valentine letter



Friends,
At first I didn't think it necessary for those who were receiving
regular e-mail updates to get this letter. However, I have been asked by
many to send it via e-mail as they have people and groups that have
been praying. I didn’t realized how far and wide Gerry's story
has traveled. So here it is. Thanks.


February 2, 2005

Greetings from the Marinucci’s!
My well intentioned Christmas letter has now turned
into a “we’ve moved” and “we love you” Valentines Day note. Oh what a year!
This time last year we were making a peaceful transition and settling into
our new routine with our two newly adopted daughters from Russia. We were
playing the “guessing game– do you mean this?” and we were amazed at how
quickly the English language was being acquired by these two little girls.
Then for those of you who don’t know, yes I believe there are several that
haven’t heard the news... On March 17th our little world hit our own
“Tsunami.” While Gerry was taking his early morning bike ride, an
uninsured, unlicensed driver hit him from behind and fled the scene,
dragging Ger’s bike almost 2 miles. (Yes, to answer the questions everyone
asks: Gerry was in the bike lane and was wearing his helmet and the driver
is now serving 3 years in prison) Gerry sustained a traumatic brain injury
which left him in a coma for 3 months. It left me dazed.

I can never begin to understand Gerry’s reality. However, I quickly realized my
own dilemma. When my belief in a good and loving God and the somber reality
of the aftermath of my own tragic disaster COLLIDE, I asked myself: What do
I believe? Yes, I talk about sin and the effects of sin on this world, and
the importance of a Savior to redeem us from this sin. I talk about and
sympathized with those encountering trials in this world as Jesus promised.
But, now it’s time for me. Do I believe that God, my God and Gerry’s God,
the Author and Sustainer of this world, allowed this to happen to Gerry?
Can I have eyes to see that God, who didn’t cause the evil, but it was He
who allowed this tragedy for His own purpose and my good. The “why me”
question didn’t seem important. I know that Gerry’s position in Christ is
secure. He is still God’s faithful servant. Much like Job. Who was I to
question our Sovereign God? This was His plan for our lives! What a
disaster, what a disconnect! It doesn’t make logical sense.

Yet over 2000 years ago, an even more powerful disconnect occurred. God sent
His perfect and holy Son into this world. He was rejected, despised and
murdered due to no fault of his own. God knows the pain of losing His own
Son to death on a cross, He knows and understands my loss and grief. Jesus
himself, while on the cross questioned... but came to the conclusion, “Not
my will, but Thine be done!” How can I come to any other conclusion? As
Gerry has said, “this is where the rubber meets the road- I am not in
control of my own life, I’m in need of a Savior from my sin - this is the
basic gospel, Christ died for me.” I am grateful for all the years of
faithful teaching of God’s word that I have received. It put my head and
my heart in the right place for encountering a trial such as this. My
friend Robin, whose husband Tim had undergone liver transplant surgery, often
said during her trial, “God has a plan for me, and I’m going with it.” This
became my motto too.

In the ER I recall praying for Gerry to die as he teetered on the edge of
death. Not wanting to lose my friend and partner
yet the deep, deep desire for him to “run for home and finish the race
safely into Jesus’ arms.” I confess I was cheering him on as he seemed so
close to heaven. I couldn’t imagine the road ahead should he survive. The
days blurred into weeks. [Gerry had] “TBI”, traumatic brain injury to his right frontal
lobe, I was told. Even the doctors couldn’t tell me what it meant...
perhaps death, vegetable state forever, paralysis, perhaps loss of language,
loss of understanding. All I knew was that I was not in control and no one
had answers about the future, but God.

Gerry has always aspired to full time ministry, but God had not opened that path.
As most of you know,
Gerry has always been the evangelist-type, eager to engage anyone in
conversation about God. He was a real lover of people. Here he was flat on
his back, motionless, silent and in a coma. Yet God was using him. The ER
staff was a buzz. They encounter on a daily basis life’s tragedies, but
this one was different it was reported to me. They couldn’t get over “the
peace” they experienced while nursing and caring for Gerry. The family
support, the continued interest over days and weeks, elders faithfully
coming to the hospital to pray, visitors from afar, the rotation of friends
and family who sat and supported me did not go unnoticed. Who is this guy?
they began to ask. There were several Christian doctors and nurses who were
eager to answer their colleagues questions and proclaim that Gerard was a
Christian and explain his beliefs. God is in the business of using
ordinary people.

I believe in answer to Anessa’s prayers that her daddy
would “wake up before her birthday”, Gerry began to emerge from the coma on
May 29th. I realize now my preconceived TV-like version of coming out of a
coma was a myth. It is a long, slow process... first his foot twitched,
days later his eyes opened, he then began tracking with his eyes. As
Christians we believe in a spiritual re-birth, but Gerard has almost
encountered another physical re-birth. He has had to learn everything
again, physically going through similar stages of infancy, through
toddler hood, etc. His memory and speech were largely damaged. It was with
great joy we rejoiced over every step and progression in Gerard’s healing
such as walking, eating, feeding himself, daily care activities.

The next several months found us at several area rehabilitation hospitals, lots
of daily battles with the medical group regarding premature discharge with
no workable plan. Every day seemed like a heated chess match with the
tyranny of the urgent... action/reaction. I never enjoyed chess... one must
calculate out too many moves in the future to be any good... I’m more a “one
move at a time concrete person.” I would pray “why can’t this be easier?
God you can control all things including these stubborn insurance people, I
can’t see where they are going!” Now in hindsight, and because of all the
problems, Aetna stepped in and superceded the medical group’s directives.
Precisely because of the “problems” God orchestrated to make it possible,
on HMO insurance $, to attend the best possible treatment. Gerard’s current
placement is at the leading brain injury facility in the Western US, Center
for Neuro Skills in Bakersfield. (Note, less than 2% of patients are there
on insurance coverage and the cost is upwards of $50K a month... this truly
is a miracle.)


At CNS, Gerry has progressed well. Physically he is
getting stronger with some range of motion problems in his shoulders. He
now has specialty glasses with prisms, but his vision is still poor and he
can’t read. His endocrine systems is off and needs evaluation. He can
hold conversations, play the guitar and piano, recognize his family (though
names are still difficult). He has deficits in word finding, understanding,
and initiating the next step. Now with daddy, we were playing the same
“guessing game– do you mean this?” that we were doing with the girls earlier
in the year. To the amazement of staff he has not shown signs of depression
and stays rather positive.

I’m getting the crash course about brain injury.
Often brain injured patients can’t take a lot of over stimulation
and because of frustration they “simmer” just below the boiling
point... and can erupt in anger. Continue to pray about behavioral issues
and anger due to the injury. It can take several years for the brain to
heal. The repetitive cognitive therapy continues to work on building new
pathways or re-connecting old ones. The pain, the daily struggle and the
uncertainty of how far he will get before he plateaus is a constant concern.

The Gerard before the accident, is not exactly the same Ger as today.
Our marriage vows were “for better or for worse.” Of course there is
mourning over the “death of the old Ger” and anticipation in learning to
love and committing to love the new Ger.... and yet the real Ger is still
in there. I have always been grateful that Ger’s heart has been stayed on
Jesus. At the core of his being he remains the same. He prays the most
eloquent prayers and enjoys the preaching of God’s word. I expect there to
be times of better and bumps in the road as we travel our new life together.
I am often amazed and saddened by the “quality of life” argument that is out
there today. They tell me 97% of brain injury patients end up in divorce.
How easily we as a society have been fooled into believing our own pleasure
is all that matters. I anticipate that Gerry will be discharged to home
within the next few months. We are on a 10 day re-evaluation process.
There are a lot of unknowns. Pray for this transition, his adjustment, the
girls adjustment, the practical plan of who is going to supervise Gerry
while I’m at work, for financial matters if I can’t work and to get into a
peaceful rhythm of living. I am trusting He will reveal His plan in His
time.

The blessings I have seen this past year are too many to
enumerate. His faithfulness in all the details of the past give me
confidence that He will work out the future. The Body of Christ has been a
fantastic witness to a watching world. “They will know the love of God by
the love you have for each other.”

In those first few weeks I cried out,“I need prayer Lord, I don’t know how
to pray.” Then without my real understanding at the time God brought those
willing to send e-mails on my behalf to literally around the
world and prayer warriors were called to duty. God has lead me every step,
through every dilemma. “I home-school Lord! Gerry taught
the girls for half of the day... now what?” The Watkins
family stepped in and lovingly engulfed my girls into their family. My
girls lived with and schooled with them. It was such a blessing for them to
have a safe, calm, warm-hearted, country environment amidst the storm. Who
would put their own lives on “permanent disrupt” to come to my rescue? I
still marvel at the love displayed to me. “Lord, I needed to work to keep
things afloat” and my home school friends and neighbors opened their homes
for Saturday play days and kept my lawns trimmed. My church family
faithfully provided meals for many, many months, well past the obligatory...
let’s help out phase. “Lord, my house is so small it’s hard for people to
come and help me... and there is nowhere for the girls or Gerry to retreat
for quiet times.” Then Gerry’s sister Gina and her husband Steve, helped us
purchase a house in Aguanga, 25 miles east of Temecula. The first idea came
about at Thanksgiving and then 2 days after Christmas we were moved into the
new house. The moving crew.... family and friends, came at 7:00 a.m. and we
had so much help that by noon everything was off the truck. It was the
smoothest move ever! The new house is ideal. It is a single story in the
country on 3 fenced in acres with room for the girls to roam. The Watkins
are adding a bedroom for the girls; and energetically tackled painting and
trim projects to make it a comfortable home.

Anessa is enjoying 4H Horse Club and “shared” Avery Watkins’ horse Sonny to ride in her first
horse show. Polina loves dolls, computerized stuff and is becoming a good
reader. Tatiana still has a song in her heart, is learning to read and is a
good cuddler. We have a new golden lab puppy “Duke” which is adored by
all.

I didn’t intend to be so long winded. Much has happened! We
thank all who have helped us this past year. Please keep in touch. Know
that silence from me doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you!


We love you,
Lori, Gerry, Anessa, Polina & Tatiana

Update 2/12/05

2/12/05

Dear Friends & Family,

Lori and her Mom and my Mom and I just returned today from Bakersfield, and I’m sending a much needed update!

The insurance company has set the next review for Friday, February 25th. So, we thank you for your continued prayers that Gerry would be able to remain at CNS through the promised 100 days (that would be until April 10th) as long as he continues to improve, which he has. At the last review on 2/8, the therapists reported good progress in all areas including cognitive, although in that area, the progress is slower. We also learned that Gerry’s endocrine system (which affects hormones, behavior, etc.) has been greatly affected from his injury, and he will be seeing an endocrinologist for further tests and treatment. We pray that Gerry would be helped by this testing and treatment.



We had some great conversations with Gerry this weekend, and all of us noticed that Gerry is much more aware of his situation and where he is at in his recovery. He talked of the difficulty of having to comply when you don’t always trust your caregivers (the young RA’s). Lori told Gerry how proud she was of him for not having any outbursts this week, and exhibiting self-control. Gerry was grateful that she had noticed, and said “Yeah, it takes “salvation down to my ankles” to do it!” We really laughed at that one! He also said he wants Lori to continue to hear that he’s not having any more outbursts, and that even though it’s so hard, he’s really trying to persevere. We are so proud of him! He also showed much more initiative in things. For example, he pumped the gas for the car. He also was more aware of others, like holding the door for us, and helping my mom with her suitcases, etc. He did really well when we took him out to dinner, and went shopping in several shops…he had no problems, even with all the noise and the large Friday night crowds! He talked about coming home, and we could see he is almost ready. Praise God for his goodness and faithfulness!

During our visit this weekend, we received some great training to help us better understand how to deal with the brain injured person. We learned how to handle specific situations that will arise and how important structure will be in Gerry’s daily life. With traumatic brain injury, the person often can no longer reason well, has difficulty making decisions, and often cannot think through the basic tasks that we all take for granted every day. We learned so much…and in just a couple of hours!

We know at this time, Gerry must always have someone with him for safety reasons. We continue to pray (and ask for your prayers) that the Lord will bring Gerry past this point, but Lori must now plan for Gerry’s 24-hour supervision because he could come home at any time. Financially it is not an option for Lori to hire someone to watch Gerry. She also knows that Gerry is well aware that he does not want to be baby-sat, and our hopes are to find a solution where he will feel increasingly independent and find some fulfilling activities/volunteer work for him. Initially, Lori’s thoughts are to change her schedule to work four 8-hour days, Mon-Thurs. She hopes to take Gerry in to work with her (he used to work there, thus, he will feel that he is helping out in the office) and have him work in the mornings in one of the empty offices. Gerry would have someone with him to do office tasks (filling envelopes, filing, etc.), and doing simple cognitive therapy with him. My mom, Lori’s mom, Freda, and I will be helping in this area. Lori’s great ongoing need will be to have additional help in any area or time slot that people are able. Of course, this is for friends and family that live in the area. In the afternoons, Lori hopes that people will be available to take Gerry along for things that they already have planned and/or scheduled, and wouldn’t mind taking him along…here are some ideas:

*Out to lunch
*To a movie
*To an art class
*To a short outing
*Grocery shopping
*To the park
*To a retirement home for him to play his guitar, sing and entertain the residents (which he used to do, and can still do!)

We are open to any other ideas! If you know of an organization or company that is willing to have Gerry do some volunteer work while providing someone to “shadow” him, please let us know! We understand that we have had almost a year to learn about brain injury. We understand there can be an unknowing fear about what to expect, and we are wholeheartedly prepared to share our knowledge (the condensed version, of course!) so that those who are willing and able to help will feel entirely comfortable being with Gerry and/or taking him places. Gerry loves outings, and he does extremely well! As he always has, he loves people, and he is still the same Gerry, only with a new disability. We have been so touched by the help, prayers and encouragement of our friends, and we now ask prayerfully that God would open the doors for the help that the Marinucci family needs so badly now and in the future. As always, we thank you for your prayers and for any suggestions or help that you may be able to offer.

God Bless you all!
Gina